First time...

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time .

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family  pack.   The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.  A minute passes, and the boy is still deep  in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'  The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'


If you DON'T forward this to at least 1 person now, you have a bad sense of humor !!!

Why Dogs Bite People

Why Dogs Bite People - because some of them deserve it!!!!!
 
 
 




















 

Never let men buy baby clothes...

Opinions

Your House As Seen By:  

 Yourself... 

  
Your Buyer... 

  
Your Lender... 

 
 
Your Appraiser... 

 
 
 
 
Your Tax Assessor... 


 
 
If you don't send this to  five friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world!  

Optical Illusions

BE SURE AND DO THE NEXT TO LAST ONE, IT IS MOST AMAZING OF ALL!!!!!!!!!  

Is This Possible?? 

Are the purple lines straight or bent? 

Do you see gray areas in between the squares? 

Now where did they come from? 

You should see a man's face and also a word... 

Hint: Try tilting your head to the right, the world begins with 'L' 

If you take a look at the above picture, let me tell you ... it is not animated.  Your eyes are making it move.  To test this, stare at one spot for a couple seconds and everything will stop moving.  Or look at the black center of each circle and it will stop moving.  But move your eyes to the next black center and the previous will move after you take your eyes away from it....  Weird  

 

Im Coming back as a bear

Lulu

A little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Her mum replies "No, because she is on heat."

"What does that mean?" asked the child."Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you."

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Lulu?"

(You're gonna love this!!!!!!!!!)..............












The little girl said,
"She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
   
ATTORNEY:   Are you sexually active? 
WITNESS:      No, I just lie there.
_______________________________

ATTORNEY:  What is your date of birth? 
WITNESS:     July 18th.
ATTORNEY:  What year? 
WITNESS:     Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
WITNESS:    Gucci sweats and Reeboks 
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:     This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY:   And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
WITNESS:      I forget. 
ATTORNEY:   You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:   How old is your son, the one living with you? 
WITNESS:     Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
ATTORNEY:   How long has he lived with you? 
WITNESS:     Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
WITNESS:      He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:    And why did that upset you? 
WITNESS:       My name is Susan. 
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
WITNESS:      Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he? 
WITNESS:     Uh, he's twenty-one. 
________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken? 
WITNESS:     Would you repeat the question? 
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time? 
WITNESS:     Uh.... 
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   She had three children, right? 
WITNESS:      Yes. 
ATTORNEY:   How many were boys? 
WITNESS:      None.
ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   How was your first marriage terminated? 
WITNESS:      By death.
ATTORNEY:   And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual? 
WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
WITNESS:      No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
WITNESS:      All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to? 
WITNESS:     Oral. 
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Do you recall the time that you examined the  body? 
WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
WITNESS:     No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
                   I was doing an autopsy on him! 
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
WITNESS:     Huh? 
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
WITNESS:      No. 
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for blood pressure? 
WITNESS:      No. 
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for breathing? 
WITNESS:      No. 
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
WITNESS:     No. 
ATTORNEY:   How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

And we wonder how George Wubbleyou Bush became President!!!

So you think you've seen everything

So you think you've seen everything BUT...

have you ever seen this?     TALK ABOUT SOLITUDE...AND IS THAT SNOW ON THE GROUND???     NO ONE WOULD NOTICE IT, I'M SURE...      I HAVE TO SAY THIS IS INTERESTING...WEIRD, BUT INTERESTING...NOT SURE ABOUT FIRE ESCAPES, THOUGH AND HOW HARD WOULD IT BE TO GIVE DIRECTIONS TO YOUR APPARTMENT?     THIS IS CLEVER...      WONDER HOW LONG IT TOOK TO CREATE THIS?      OH MAN, SCARY!!! DO NOT WANT TO LIVE ANY WHERE NEAR THIS ACTION!     OOPS! GONNA NEED A NOSE JOB FOR SURE!     NO. I REPEAT...NO. AND JUST WHAT KIND OF A MACHINE IS NEEDED TO  CUT THROUGH THAT MUCH SNOW???      WELL, THAT CERTAINLY IS A TRAFFIC-STOPPER! SURE HOPE NO ONE WAS UNDER IT! I BET IT WAS EXCITING TO SEE IT COMING DOWN!     THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS ONE. IMAGINATION EVEN FAILS ONE AT THIS SITUATION...BUT YOU CAN BET SOMEONE WAS IN TROUBLE!