As You Slide Down the Banister of Life in 2010- Remember
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book. It's called .......'Ministers Do More Than Lay People' .
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary..
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the toilet.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes now, of course, there's postage and packing, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the rubbish out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large rubbish bin.
11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way...
Be who you are and say what you feel... because those that matter... don't mind...and those that mind...don't matter!
Sunday, 21 November 2010
The Dam - A good read !!
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter.
State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:
SUBJECT: DEQ
File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2010.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File
No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr..Price,
Your certified letter dated 11/17/09 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
If you want the damed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2010? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
New German Motorcycle Safety Invention!
Wow this is amazing The Germans are certainly well known for their
cutting edge engineering....
click on the link....Below
German speaking but translation at the bottom.
MAKE SURE TO WATCH ALL THE WAY TO THE END !!!!!
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=21816
cutting edge engineering....
click on the link....Below
German speaking but translation at the bottom.
MAKE SURE TO WATCH ALL THE WAY TO THE END !!!!!
http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=21816
Alaska Whale
The photo was taken at the entrance to Katlian Bay at the end of the road in Sitka .
The whale is coming up to scoop up a mouthful of herring (the small fish seen at the surface around the kayak).
The kayaker is a local Dentist.
The whale is coming up to scoop up a mouthful of herring (the small fish seen at the surface around the kayak).
The kayaker is a local Dentist.
============================================================
Yep, that is me in the picture.
Yep that is a whale that was just around the corner from the ferry terminal.
"Paddle really fast" is the only thing I could think of at the time..
Also thinking that I don't look like a herring, don't smell like a herring but with the same herring instinct
of "get the hell out of the way of that big mouth!!"
Still living to tell yet another story..
Yep that is a whale that was just around the corner from the ferry terminal.
"Paddle really fast" is the only thing I could think of at the time..
Also thinking that I don't look like a herring, don't smell like a herring but with the same herring instinct
of "get the hell out of the way of that big mouth!!"
Still living to tell yet another story..
This is an actual picture from Alaska !!!
He is in the whales MOUTH!!
Keep this going please!
I NEED YOUR HELP!
I'm trying to find out who sells this mirror!
Mail this to all the women in your address book. Now, don't break the chain! OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember.... Breast Cancer Awareness... Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer.
I'm trying to find out who sells this mirror!
Mail this to all the women in your address book. Now, don't break the chain! OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember.... Breast Cancer Awareness... Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer.
Just A weeeeeeeeee bit
'An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.
With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.
Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.
The farmer simply replied, 'They're lookin' to get married,so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want.'
The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.
'Well,' said the man, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed.'
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
'Well,'the man replied, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed.'
With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.
Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.
The farmer simply replied, 'They're lookin' to get married,so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want.'
The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.
'Well,' said the man, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed.'
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
'Well,'the man replied, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed.'
The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,'She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry'
So they were wed right away.Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.
'Well,' explained the farmer, 'She was just a weeeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
Pregnant when you met her.'
If this brightened your day Don't let it stop here Pass it on to your friends.
Stressed?
STRESS
I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture.
The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital.
Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that , in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical; a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins.. The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.
Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you need to go on holiday.
I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture.
The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital.
Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that , in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical; a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins.. The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.
Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you need to go on holiday.
No Need to Reply, I'll be on holiday
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway
THE DEMENTIA QUIZ - these are fun!!!
|
1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ???
2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!
OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:
A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy Friday!
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the car park, I found my car had been stolen and my insurance has lapsed. I left my wallet in the taxi I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! ……………………… But enough about me,
how's your day going?"
1919 POSTER
If you were around in 1919 and came upon the following poster...
I mean, seriously ... wouldn't you just keepdrinking?
I mean, seriously ... wouldn't you just keepdrinking?
Grandma doesnt know everything
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what’s that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”
She was a little taken back, but she decided to tell him the truth. “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.”
Little Tony said, “Oh, OK”, and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse, it’s called bunk beds, and Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.”
Airport Security
The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.It´s a booth you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
They see this as a win-win for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling.
It also would eliminate the costs of a long and expensive trial.
Justice would be swift.
Case closed.
Case closed.
You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.
Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system . . .
"Attention standby passengers - we now have a seat available on flight number XXXX. Shalom."
Hats off to the Israelis.
"Attention standby passengers - we now have a seat available on flight number XXXX. Shalom."
Hats off to the Israelis.
Beer math
YOUR AGE BY BEER MATH
Don't tell me your age; you'd probably lie anyway-but theBUD Man will know!
This is pretty neat.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read.
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have a beer (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1760 ..
If you haven't, add 1759..
6... Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have beer each week).
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2010) IT WILL EVER WORK.
THE BEER CALCULATOR
Don't tell me your age; you'd probably lie anyway-but theBUD Man will know!
This is pretty neat.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read.
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have a beer (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1760 ..
If you haven't, add 1759..
6... Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have beer each week).
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2010) IT WILL EVER WORK.
THE BEER CALCULATOR
Three Little Pigs.
This is a true story, proving how fascinating the uncluttered mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said:
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said:
'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...
'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be f*cked!! A talking pig!'
The teacher had to leave the room.
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...
'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be f*cked!! A talking pig!'
The teacher had to leave the room.
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Engineers
Understanding Engineers One
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime."
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have
designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.
Understanding Engineers Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
How true!
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 yearold next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to
come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID
ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?''
No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it
out.'
come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID
ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?''
No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it
out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little shit....
CURTAIN RODS - PRICELESS
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on
some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of
shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water .
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and
deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in
caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband
returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the
first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place
out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam
cleaned .
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were
brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they
had to move out for a few days and in the end they even
paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing
worked!!!
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to
move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in
half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky
house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused
to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place ...
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going
.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened
politely and said that she missed her old home
terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce
settlement in exchange for getting the house back
.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed
on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had
been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that
very day .
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the
paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as
they watched the moving company pack everything to take
to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain
rods!!!!!!
I
LOVE A
HAPPY
ENDING, DON'T YOU?
crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their
beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on
some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of
shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water .
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and
deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in
caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband
returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the
first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place
out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam
cleaned .
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were
brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they
had to move out for a few days and in the end they even
paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing
worked!!!
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to
move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in
half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky
house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused
to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place ...
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going
.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened
politely and said that she missed her old home
terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce
settlement in exchange for getting the house back
.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed
on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had
been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that
very day .
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the
paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as
they watched the moving company pack everything to take
to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain
rods!!!!!!
I
LOVE A
HAPPY
ENDING, DON'T YOU?
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